Hiding

Whenever we say it's ok, when it's really not, we're hiding. Because it's so much easier to avoid than to explain. I suppose as we grow older, we get better and better at hiding. Maybe it starts at little things like where you come from or stuff that you like, simply because it's not part of the normal pattern of what everyone likes, then it grows to bigger things like secrets and insecurities and sometimes bits of who you are as a person because there are just some things that leave you feeling too vulnerable.

So really, all those problems in the world. They aren't going away. Humans just hide better. We just learn how to avoid them, hide them, store them away.

Parents, just gotta love them... really...

When are things supposed to be, what are things supposed to be. In law we were taught there is no right and there is no wrong. Things in black and white. But really, sometimes in real life, what is right is not necessarily fair and the same goes for what is wrong.

I just don't seem to get it. When I was growing up back in M'sia, my parents were so busy all the time, yeah they were there, but only when they needed to be. Suffice to say, they did just enough, just what was needed to be a parent. But emotionally, I never once confided in them, never once argued, or even bothered to, or tried to make sense of anything with them. I just did it on my own. Everything. Facing going to school knowing once again I would be the freak, the outcast, every single freaking day... where were they then? Most things in life, it was always, they don't need to know, they would just be better off not knowing. So alot of things, they remain hidden and secret. Important things to me, things that I wish I could tell them. But I don't want to. Like I said, they are better off not knowing.

Maybe I grew up too fast. Maybe they started caring too late. Maybe time just messed it all up... freaking time... damn it... grrrrrr.... but no such thing.. argh logic is messed up.....