Left Behind

People grow out of people. Lately, it seems like everyone is growing out of me. I'm left behind. I'm alone. I'm left staring at their backs as they leave. I want to scream why? Why did you even bother in the first place, if you were going to leave anyways. WHY? Why leave something behind that will only haunt? Why let me trust you only to be let down and disappointed? Is that how it is with you? To let me trust you and then you disappoint me? Why does it seem like everyone's leaving? And I'm the idiot, running, chasing something that isn't even there.
why the hell should I care, when you don't? I wish I knew.

Is it that simple? That easy? Just to leave like that. Not caring. I don't know what's real anymore, or what isn't. How can something so real suddenly disappear. Like it wasn't there in the first place. That's scary. Why is it the moment that when I finally feel comfortable enough, the moment disappears. Why am I not allowed to enjoy it? Is it too much to ask? Why does it always get snatched away? And I'm left staring at this huge gaping hole that it left. I don't like holes or gaps. But lately, that's what life feels like, a huge holey space.

Why can't someone just pull me out of it? AND NOT push me back in. I don't want to keep falling down and having to get up, it hurts and it's painful.
And right now, I don't even know how I am supposed to get out of this one. I know I can, but I don't want to. Who cares anyway? If I was there or not, would it even make a difference? I don't know and somehow I doubt if anyone would miss me. That's a sad thought. But I don't know anything anymore. And I don't want to know. I don't need to know. I just don't care anymore.

Sometimes, you remember, moments that were just so fleeting and gone in a flash, and you wished that they had stayed. That was just a 'grey's' moment. Sigh. I wish I knew the answers to everything. I know they say that the truth sets you free but, I think it leaves you defenceless and vulnerable.

Coldplay - In My Place Lyrics

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you

If you go, if you go
Leaving me down here on my own
Well I wait for you

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Please, please, please
Come on and sing to me
To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out
Come on and sing it now, now, now
Come on and sing it

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah

I STILL REMEMBER

I, I still remember
How you looked
That afternoon
There was only you
You said it was just like a full moon
Blood beats faster in our veins
We left our trousers by the canal
And our fingers they almost touched

You should have asked me for it
I would have been brave
You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?
And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Now every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie
I'd have gone wherever you wanted

And on that teacher's training day
We wrote our names on every train
Laughed at the people off to work
So monochrome and so lukewarm
And I could feel our days where becoming night
I could feel your heart beating across the grass
We should have run, I would go with you anywhere
I should have kissed you by the water

I still remember

Bloc Party

My Secret Garden

So what if I see the sunshine
In the pouring rain
Some people think I'm crazy
But you say it's okay
You've seen my secret garden
Where all of my flowers grow
In my imagination
Anything goes