Sigh

I believe in alot of things. I try not to. But I do anyway. It seems like I love going around in circles. Revisiting old selves. I try not to. But I do anyway. I just can't make sense of everything. Betrayal Hurts. It cuts so deep. I never knew. I trust too easy. And I have never felt so alone before. People I used to be able to confide in have disappeared. And those that I thought I could trust, were the ones who just hurt me more. I don't know which is worse. I just can't come to terms with it I suppose. I never knew that a person could be capable of such things. It makes me lose so much faith in people. the world. what little that is left. I'm scared. There must be some way I can get rid of it. I don't even know how to face it. I never knew that I had more enemies than friends. I am shocked and so so hurt. How could it happen that way? I don't understand. I have never felt so helpless before. Who knew that there were so many ways to get hurt. I hope this is the last of them. I hope.

I'm not trying to make excuses. I just don't know. And even if I explained it all. You wouldn't understand. Not one bit. Not at all. So stop telling me you do. I just wish you would stop judging me. I feel so careful all the time. So worried about taking the wrong step. Doing the wrong thing. I am becoming cautious. I don't like that. And I hate how you make me feel as if I have to be. As if I have to account for who I am. As if I have nothing to offer. As if I have to be someone else to be worthy. I don't want to be someone else. I don't want to feel as if I have to be like someone else to be worthy. I am worthy on my own. It is just a pity that you don't see that. And I am afraid that you never will and I pity you. For being so blind. For turning on your own friends. For forgetting so easily. For taking things for granted. I pity you. But then again. You don't deserve my pity. Who are you to tell me who I should be like, what I should do. WHO? nobody. So stop acting like you know everything about me. Because you don't know. You don't know anything about me and you never will.