So I am sitting here, I am staring at my computer. I'm scared. I'm lost. I'm fighting this darkness in me that won't go away. I cried myself to sleep last night. I had an exam today. No I am not ok. I am not fine.
I just want to bury myself and not come out. I just want to lie in bed all day. And just lie there, and just stare into darkness. I can see this darkness in me. I just discovered it. It's a morbid side of me. It's a part I never knew I had. It is a part that is winning. That seems to feast on all my hopes and dreams and gets bigger. Ready to conquer me. Where are all those beautiful moments that I stored, ready to fight this moment? They have all been seeped up by the darkness. I should be ok. I know that. It's so easy to want to be ok. I know that too. Tell me something that I don't know.
People tell me. It's going to be ok. And I know. But I just can't. I just can't see the light. I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. I try but I can't see. It's not that I don't want to. I just can't. Don't get frustrated with me. Don't judge me. I just can't seem to find it or believe it. I can't believe that I am ok until I am. It's like I have been swallowed up by this dark abyss of blackness and I can't find a way out. And I should fight my way out. But why bother? Why fight it. I give up.
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