been ignoring you.. haven't I?

Hey blog,
you know, its weird sometimes. When I read my previous posts.. they seem somewhat pathetic, like I didn't know better back then, or wasn't that 'experienced' or different, somehow more mature, now than before. I cringe at all the embarrassing stuff I did and wonder if people actually noticed me and whether they were all secretly laughing at me all along. But, I feel so much more confident and comfortable with myself right now... than I did before. I always thought I never really knew myself and thus, I did not know how to even be myself. I remember when I was like 13 and someone asked me what I liked and I couldn't answer and I felt so helpless and lost and I totally felt like crying.. because all along, I never thought that I wouldn't even know myself. I couldn't even answer that one simple question! when I should have been able to. And. now, I wonder why at that time, I wasn't able to even answer it. It then occurred to me that what I had been doing all along was try to be like someone else, to fit in, to be accepted. i guess then, I realised that I was unique and only I could be me and that I did not want to be a clone anymore. I guess that day, I found myself again. After so many years, I finally saw myself again, and that feeling of being on the outside looking in disappeared. not completely though. And now, I feel so much better. I am me and SO much more. A combination of personality and experience and lots of love and support. And I like that me so much better. And I'm really lucky. And I'm glad.