I always wondered why I had so many blogs... Maybe I have a split personality... Maybe they all represent parts of my personality. It's funny. I mean, why be so spread out? so.. I've decided to consolidate all my posts here. Speaking of posts, it's weird. There are good posts and bad posts, to me anyway. I can't stand the bad posts BUT I can't bear to delete them either. lol.. maybe because they are a part of me. and well, u can't delete things about yourself that u don't like... it's like lying to yourself (or plastic surgery, if it's physical.. but beauty IS in the eye of the beholder and well, all I can say is: beholder, if u dun like wat u see, look away)... hello denial. goodbye reality.
I digress.
Been watching too many cantonese dramas... getting seriously addicted... yeah, they are just shows, but when you're bored and there is nothing to do... those shows will actually save your life. not to mention your sanity. ok. I digress.. Again.
If I write anymore, I will probably start typing about how totally hot the actor is... ok. stopping now.
yet another digression.
damn, I let my mind wander too easily. ok. focusing. so, those shows sometimes make me cry, and well, it maybe 'wimpy' or whatever but at least I CARE. not like some heartless people, who are not touched by it. Those tears that fall, they are evidence that I am human, that I have feelings, that I have the capacity to feel pain and happiness. I have a heart. SO, again, an oxymoron. how can u cry and yet feel happy that u can cry? think about it. As long as u are able to feel pain and cry, is evidence that u are still alive. yes, it is painful, but the bottom line is that u are ALIVE to be able to feel that pain.
BUT,
You know, sometimes I feel that having feelings is a weakness, because, they impair your logic. But, most of all, they make you feel so transparent, vulnerable. But, the thing with feelings, they hurt you, yes. But they also make you want to reach for more. To just reach out and grab a star from the sky and hold it close and share it.
How can something be so good and at the same time, bad, as well? See.. if u didn't have feelings, u will just be like that paperclip from word. It is so logical. It can find the answers for anything. It doesn't feel. It can tell me what to do, and even, tell me what I am doing. And, after all, who wants to be an irritating know-it-all paperclip?
