I can't accept it. There's this thing deep down within me. That instinct that nags at me. About how things are supposed to be fair and everything but please please tell me, why this is so?

More and more, with every word, you push me away. I feel isolated. You're the one person who is just supposed to 'get me' but that's not true. If what I think, feel, want or need is "not what you think is right" then I am absurd for wanting it that way. I am spoilt. I am obnoxious. I am mean. I hurt you. I am selfish. I am greedy.

I strive to be the best possible person because I thought that that was what would make you proud of me, that I am yours and lucky that I chose you. And you would make me feel treasured. Admire what I do. Respect me. I do. I respect you, I believe in you, I care about you and I am so so proud of you. Always. yet, I don't think that you think of me in that same way.

Instead, it seems to me, that this would only serve to give you the right, the entitlement to tear me down, and dig deep into my flaws, and how I fall short. Who makes me feel bad about myself. Who makes me wish that i never picked up the phone and dialled in the first place.

you wonder why I don't tell you anything. I can't confide in someone I can't trust. Who judges me.

Half the time, I wonder why you're even with me. Was it because it's convenient. Or because we're just going along to get along. I don't feel special to you anymore. I used to. There was a time, when you looked at me like I was everything and more.

Everytime I think that it will be different.
This time, you won't tell me to forget it.
Maybe you will remember to tell me
that me wanting to hear your voice is enough.

How come it's wrong all the time.
Nothing means what it's supposed to mean.
I get that life is no fairy tale.
But that one phone call means that you're thinking of me.

When it's out of the blue, and not premeditated.
When it's spontaneous, to me, it's just you
thinking of me and suddenly just wanting to
hear my voice and that's enough for me.

But it's not enough for you.

I wonder if I take too much for granted. If I will ever feel satisfied. If I will ever be honest and truthful.

Ah-ha

Soo... It's mid-2008. How time flies. Upon completing one more semester at uni, I think I just had an epiphany/disappointment, depending on how you look at it.

About the epiphany, HAH... uni doesn't prepare you for real life. I repeat DOES NOT prepare you for real life. When I think of all the fees that I have paid so far, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Usually, it's a mixture of both plus the usual ache when you have to spend money when you don't really want to. I could have bought my own yacht by now. A YACHT! So, here's an interesting conversation that went down:

Me: Uni's a waste of money. I don't freaking believe it prepares us at all for real life. I mean what happens next? We get a job? Then that's it? What's all the hype about then?huh? HUH? I could have bought a freaking yacht by now.

Friend: umm.. well... we go to uni so we can get a degree which gets us a job which pays for stuff. it's called a degree. Why would you want a yacht anyway? You don't even sail.

Me: That's not the point.

Friend: But seriously. A yacht?

Me: What's wrong with a yacht? *glares*

Friend: The yacht doesn't do anything. You wouldn't know what to do with it.

Me: It's not supposed to do anything. It's just supposed to be there. As opposed to wasting all
my time here, learning nothing and PAYING for it. I could own something. Like a yacht.

Friend: It doesn't make sense.

Me: It's not supposed to. I'm speaking 'metaphorically' ok. fine. how about a house? wait... no,
travel. I could have travelled. gahhhh.... just let me HAVE MY YACHT...

Friend: ok, fine, but I'm just saying...uni does get you a job

Me: I don't want a job. I want a freaking yacht.

And I still haven't reached a conclusion what kind of role uni plays in my life. It takes up alot of it at the moment, that's about as much as I know. And omg... is it stressful. Like "omg I hate my major but it's too late to change" stressful :'(

Now speaking of disappointments, when I think of all the money I paid. Especially that example they constantly throw at us about how each lecture costs approximately $15, and I sit there staring at my advanced microeconomics lecturer, and the $30 I paid to be there, and I can promise you that nothing has ever felt more painful, because for the accumulated $585 that I paid for the lectures ALONE. I got absolutely nothing. Except crap notes, no coursebook and a whole lot of confusion. AND ABSOLUTELY NO LINK TO REAL LIFE! THIS DOESN'T APPLY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

All that money.... *sobs* :'(

Hong Kong Trip Dec 2007

Hong Kong Trip - Dec 24-26

Upon arriving in Hong Kong, it was around 7am-ish...I was totally wiped out from the 10 hour plus flight and was knocked out by the time the bus took us to our hotel.

The view from the Regal Kowloon, where we stayed.
They really should clean the windows sometime soon

After 20 mins to freshen up, it was time to hit the shopping malls. And shop we did. The sales people were like: "You mean you just flew in??? and now you're shopping?"

Heck, we only had 3 days in HK, I was intent on buying everything in sight :P
After being deprived of liberal spending for a year in Auckland, this was indeed
RETAIL THERAPY

When we FINALLY emerged from the shops, it was night and dark:


The billboards in Hong Kong City


Christmas lights and Decorations at The Peninsula

Stopping for a night time pic in the streets of HK

As it was CHRISTMAS EVE, there was obviously the mandatory countdown to CHRISTMAS. Cool, if you like crowds, but coming from Auckland, where big crowds are a rarity, it was nerve wracking O.o

Look at the amount of people behind!!!


The next day, we made our way up to The Peak

More Christmas decorations (snow globes were real cute)

The view from The Peak

I love how the skyline is made up by mostly tall buildings and everything being clustered together, definitely a change from what I'm used to and similar to what I grew up with, i.e. KL

What can I say? Will always be a KL girl at heart...

Posing with my sis

Was really funny, because, whilst we took this pic, this guy was standing there advertising his photography skills, he insisted that everyone should have a pic taken professionally.

LOL his ultimate selling phrase:

1. "I take picture, you no like, never mind, no need pay"
2. (whilst waiting to take the picture) "ex-a-cuse me, sir, fi-a-ve minutes" *he was attempting to shoo away a tourist who obliviously ignored him and continued shooting pics of the view*
3. (whilst taking the picture) *singing voice* "see my lens, oh, see my lens (high pitched voice)"

We did cave in and spent HK$100 on a photo... lol a FAMILY POTRAIT as my sis puts it...
AND you could even photoshop it so the background was of the city at night and only for an additional HK$50! (we didn't do that, heck I realised that I could have just stood at the studio and still have the same pic of us at the Peak...)

ANYWAYS...

ON TO THE WAX MUSEUM :p
ALOT, ALOT of cam-whoring with wax figures...

Leon Lai

"and when I'm president..."

This is probably the closest I will ever get to Jay in this lifetime, sadly enough...

"Her ROYAL Highness"

Nelson Mandela

Mahatma Gandhi :O

cool potrait

Winter Sonata dude...*cant seem to rotate the photo* but he's def real, he looks sooo real :P

Playing some golf with Tiger Woods

Hanging out with the Jolie-Pitts... lol I felt so short, surprised that the museum would have jolie and pitt AND put them together... wow... now that's keeping up with the news!

Now.... I REALLY felt short... no no.. wait, I mean FUN SIZED...

After mucking around the museum, we got really hungry, soo...

High tea at Haagen Daz, the ice cream was sooo good, eventhough we had to line up and wait for an hour

FINALLY,

a ferry ride, it cost like less than NZ$2!!!! AND it was 'first class' too... now that's public transport! Freaking ferry in NZ costs $7 ONE WAY...

I almost FORGOT

God Forbid that I was too wrapped up in my work. I totally and utterly forgot that Chinese New Year was just like, get this, 2 DAYS away. Yes. not months or weeks, but DAYS. I cannot believe it.

Now, this is the first year ever that I totally was not prepared for Chinese New Year. I was just all, yay, Waitangi Day, which is, just about, THE most important day in NZ history. EVERYTHING revolves around it. Well, I think it's the 2nd most revolved around thing, after RUGBY... Which doesn't say alot. But still. My point is: PUBLIC HOLIDAY, duh.

Now, on to the greater, better news, Waitangi Day is on the 6th... yes, Chinese New Year starts on the 7th :O I totally neglected to acknowledge this fact >< I know now and I am still dazed. I can't believe it came so fast. I am so not prepared. I am so not ready for a new year... WTH...

oK. so I got a bit.. ok ALOT immersed in my new venture, which I am still freaking out over. Deadline is looming ><... ok, stop. breathe. Focus.

Chinese New Year is so important. It's tradition. It's ingrained. It has always been a BIG DEAL. and I mean BIG DEAL in our family. Thing is, this is also the FIRST EVER Chinese New Year where both my paternal grandparents will not be around to celebrate it with us. Because they are no longer here. I can't deal with that. Maybe that's why I totally blocked out the fact that this festival was coming. When they died, I guess the part of me that associated with family reunions and celebrations just died too. Because, the inclination to celebrate this year, is well, zero. Because now to me, it just seems like another year. One more year of our lives. Nothing new there. Years come and go all the time. Depressing much? Truth is, my grandparents seemed to hold the family together. All 15 cousins, and Aunts and uncles. now that the constant is gone, where is our common ground? We all took it too much for granted. It's safe to say that there will be no reunion dinner this time around.

I suppose that is how life is like, most of the time. We take it for granted, the people, the years, the whole 'assuming that every year, it'll be the same', taking comfort in routine, then suddenly, when something happens to throw it out of sync, we just can't deal. And then it truly becomes nothing more, because we took it too much for granted, up until the point of indifference. And it never again becomes truly important enough to go back to find it. We have, well and truly lost it.

Hiding Part II

So I said that I liked hiding, then when I'm done hiding and I come out and see what has happened whilst I was hiding, I feel such a sense of regret and remorse. Why? Because I could have been there. I could have been part of what was happening. If only I didn't choose to avoid and hide. I would have been in that picture. I would have spent time with that person. It was always that thing I just missed. That 'I so should have been there' moment.

It's more of a 'I knew I should have met up with them when I was in that country' kind of remorse. I guess I'm still not used to the whole globe trotting thing and bumping into friends randomly, (which I did :D) I guess I am still a firm believer in serendipity, and in some respects, fate. If we were all meant to meet up at some point, we would have. I suppose now, I will learn to plan better.

I guess it's a tradeoff at some point, either I spend time with my family OR my friends. But I guess I would like to try something new now. This has to be one of my resolutions for 2008.

Having said that, I hope my next trip, I get to meet up with all of my friends, finally do something crazy for New Year's, take more crazy, random photos. And create even more memories :D

Starstruck in Taiwan

What started out as an innocent family holiday in Taiwan, quickly became a crazed/stalker/obsessive fan search for one of Taiwan's hottest male actor and fellow Fahrenheit band member, Wu Chun :P

Probably doesn't help that there are cardboard cutouts of him everywhere. Now I always imagined meeting him would be somewhere along the lines of this:

"Glasses? for me? aww..."

Funny thing was, we were making such a huge fuss over the cardboard cutouts that the owner came out and gave us posters. For free :P

Not that we were attempting to steal the cutouts or anything... *shifty eyes*

More fantasising followed :P

"Food? For me?"
Ahh, my dad was less than impressed, his comment: "Like asking for money only"
Shopgirl probably thought so too, since she was laughing at us from inside the shop.

Now, I think someone somewhere must have sympathised with my pathetic attempts to meet Mr Wu Chun that they intervened.

Just so happened that we passed by a town where Fahrenheit was going to be performing/autographing ^_^

Getting all hyped up and excited :P

AND THEN after TWO hours of WAITING:

First Glimpse :P

Oh and did I mention that we took the opportunity to network whilst waiting? hehe, we made friends with the Producer (ie person in charge) ;)

Normally, it costs TW$100 per person to shake their hands (no posters due to technical errors) My sis and I got a 2 for 1 deal :P I think in NZ$ that was less than $4!
I can't catch the bus here on $4, let alone meet actors/singers/bands!
The irony of it all.

AND there was more:

He told Wu Chun and EVERYONE that we came all the way from NZ to see him. >< I think he called our names at least 3 or 4 times.

Admidst all the screaming girls, I felt bad that I didn't have the necessary/compulsory fan made poster board of his head to hold up when he said all of that :S

I knew I should have stolen the cardboard cutout when I had the chance!

BEST QUOTE from Wu Chun:
He actually said: "ni men chi le ma (Have you eaten?) Yi ding yao chi ah (must eat you know)"
Now this would have been ok except it was 3pm

Snide comment from my hungry dad: "When you have nothing better to say, it's better to say nothing at all"

HAND SHAKING TIME:
All I got was a photo of my butt... O.o

He did ask my sister to "jia you" (add oil)

Tried as we might, none of us could decipher what he meant by that comment...

THEN we passed a 7-Eleven

All he said made sense.

Meaning no. 1: Eat because 7-Eleven is OPEN 24/7
Meaning no. 2: add the oil as seasoning

Ah-ha!

Sneaky endorsement/advertising! And my dad thought he had nothing better to say!